I know this is out of the typical wheelhouse for this group, but would like input, as I cannot be the only one who has wrestled with this problem. I grew up with computers, used DEC, IBM desktop before moving to the Mac at the beginning (had a Plus at my training) so I have always taken computers for granted. My setup at home is complicated with a Studio, Studio Display, 2 RAID drives and a whole bunch of drives sitting around for archives, etc. I Use HomeKit (as much as it is useable) with some plugs, lights and a couple Eufy cameras. Inkjet/scanner in one room and laser in another. You how you add things little by little and they mostly work, but in the end is more complicated than the individual parts.
As I near retirement (again) I have tried to explain the setups to my wife, but we have come to the conclusion that I find it difficult to understand that people who don’t know how computers work don’t get it when I am trying to teach something [Read: I’m a bad teacher for these things]. I try to dispense information in small bites and repeat often, but my generation of people who would take things apart and put them back together and are not afraid of breaking things is diminishing.
I tried to teach my wife to use 1Password to put our passwords in, but have come to the understanding that though she uses her computer on a regular basis for mail and reading the news, she (as many people who use them) does not understand about Applications, different accounts on the computer and the different types of documents. I would like her to learn the basics so that if I am not around (and when) she doesn’t feel completely out to sea.
My first thought was signing her up for classes at the Apple Store when we buy her a new portable (can you get those classes if you buy refurbished?) but I would also be open to what other people have done. Books? Youtube videos? She does not have to be an expert, but would like her to understand how the inkjet printer is able to print for her portable and what to do when it does not work. It is also difficult as she is not really curious about computers, so she uses them but doesn’t poke them or try things out. They are tools for her.
I have a bit of time to work on this (knocks on laminated pressed wood/plastic) but any ideas would be helpful. Thanks.
Having done something similar with my mom, the one thing I would say is that it’s good to weigh how much they need to understand, and how much you need to figure out ways of doing things that work for the person, rather than trying to force them into the way things work for you.
EG, my Mom has an iPhone 8 because it has a home button and one of the base rules for her is that if she gets confused by something just hit the home button until she’s back at the main screen. She writes her passwords down in a paper notebook because there’s no chance she’s going to understand and remember the Keychain (or a password manager).
Meeting her where she is rather than where I think she should be has made things much easier and much less frustrating.
Our fearless leaders, Adam and Tonya Engst developed the excellent Take Control books for the problems you are facing. They transferred the service to the equally dedicated, talented and Apple products reviewer, Joe Kissell.
And there is a substantial bunch of Take Control authors that have been doing great work on a significant number of how to books about Apple’s products and services.
What I also think is also a big plus for Take Control is that IT IS NOT CONDESCENDING at all, and I found very, very extremely annoying, condescending and insulting in the DUMMIES series of self help books.
I’ll echo that there’s a difference between being to use a tool vs understanding how it works. (I have very little idea how my car’s engine works, and I’m able to drive just fine.)
But honestly my impression is that she might be better served by an iPad instead of MacBook.
Best of luck to you (and her)
I help several family members with their desktop, laptop, and mobile setups. Here are some things I think about when offering support and advice:
What does the person want to accomplish? For example: reading emails, participating on Zoom calls, using social media, or storing and editing photos.
How interested is the person in their gear? For example: tinkerer, set-and-forget, or completely hands-off.
What is the person’s learning style? Visual or audio?
How much time does the person want to spend on maintenance and troubleshooting? Do they find maintenance and troubleshooting interesting or annoying?
Does the person rely on muscle memory and memorized patterns when using their devices? Or do they like knowing and understanding the details of an OS and its UI/UX?
Once I get a feel for these things, I have a good basis for figuring out how to work with the person who wants help.
My sister has absolutely zero interest in how computers work. She is only interested in being able to check email and to visit the occasional website. An iPad with a keyboard works well for her, and I made sure she has a trustworthy, reliable person besides me whom she can contact for help if I am not around. Maybe that approach will work.
Patience, asking how they approach things already, resisting the urge to over explain, identifying simple straightforward routes where they can get things done. All much as @Halfsmoke outlined above. If you can slightly modify what they have worked out already, it will go better and stick longer.
My wife uses a computer all the long day, not a clue or interest in how it all works. Most civilians are the same.
My Mom is the same about a car - it’s a device to get her from one place to another. She also rarely used a computer except for occasional emails (though she did use one at her job). My Dad is a bit more techie in that he’ll pull things apart if they stop working (and has actually saved himself from buying a new system a couple of times!).
For some people computers are literal tools for a few things: emails, maybe a couple of web pages, recipes, some sort of social media.
Some days I can see the appeal (I currently have 4 computers in my office with a network and I often see small desks for sale and wonder if I’ll ever be able to pare my digital life down that far!)
If you are any sort of tech-head with experience you may be blind to how much you know and how fluid you are when you use computers compared to the average person. You may think you are clearly demonstrating how to do something but for them they were lost after the first two steps and are very often too embarrassed to say, “Stop, do that again.”
So, the first thing to realize is that you may not be the best person to help your wife.
If there is an Apple Store nearby, they offer beginning classes that with their huge experience introducing things and massive corporate bucks to produce training materials may be the best first step. I have problems with the ones I’ve watched because even they succumb to featuritis and move too fast for many people but they’re not bad and sitting with other people who are at the same level can have synergistic learning effects.
If the two of you are retirement age another thing to think about is eyes. Maybe an iMac would be better than a small laptop screen you crouch over?
Also, if indeed she mainly reads emails and news @josehill has a good suggestion, a (big ) iPad with keyboard. I use my iPad to do just that and it’s great. Anything more than that, though, and I’m running to the big iMac in the study. . . .
Finally, yes, you’re hoping that she could master your systems with a little instruction, but that may be too much to ask for a person who doesn’t share your enthusiasms and isn’t 17? As I reach the end of winding down my consulting business I find I need to secure my own services to ask what’s really necessary, now? My answer so far is simplify, simplify, simplify. I suspect my future, slower self will thank me.
and I made sure she has a trustworthy, reliable person besides me whom she can contact for help
This. A trusted support person is more than a frill, because there are always going to be situations beyond what most people are willing/able to deal with. For many or most, including physical science profs, computers are just fancy pencils, and spending time sharpening fragile-pointed pencils is not only annoying, but actively obstructive to doing real work or play. [I can’t disapprove of this, because it paid the rent and cat food bills for many years.]
Instead of making her learn about your system, can you configure a minimalist system for her that’s completely independent of your network? If she has her own printer directly connected to her computer, it should have fewer problems, and if it jams or runs out of toner/ink, well, it’s hers which could give more incentive for dealing with it herself and it will also eliminate any anxiety about breaking your stuff in the process. I haven’t a clue about the homekit situation though.
One thing I learned in support, is that showing someone how to do something is much less effective than talking them through doing it themselves. Have them explain to you what they’re doing as they do it. “Move the mouse to the Bookmarks menu at the top of the screen then click once”. “OK, I’m moving the mouse to the um, Bookmarks? menu at the top of the screen”. Never underestimate muscle memory, including throat muscle memory.
For estate issues, there have been several tidbits discussions recently. Segregating out the information that she’ll need to have access to would be a good start, then follow the suggestions in the discussions that fit your situation and taste.
This is obviously a very common problem! My solution: Firstly, I try to make sure everything my wife needs to do can be done on her iPad with keyboard - no trying to navigate the complex system of folders and apps on my iMac that to me are second nature but to her are impenetrable.
Secondly, I’ve written very simple how-to-do-it notes, blow by blow, each one dedicated to a specific task. Only the really necessary ones, though! I enjoy producing this kind of thing so I have to rein myself in with reality checks. Is this essential? Can the instructions be simplified even more?
The notes are in an iCloud Drive folder accessible from her iPad but also printed, for easy reference.
I’d add that this is one of the reasons why I despise the apparent arbitrariness of many of Apple’s user interface changes over the years, especially in iOS and iPadOS. In my sister’s case, it makes her extremely reluctant to update her software or get a new device. “Everything is different!” Even for a guy like me, who loves technology, I find myself questioning the value of truly learning and mastering certain features when I have limited faith that the features will survive the next major release unchanged.
) iPad with keyboard. I use my iPad to do just that and it’s great. Anything more than that, though, and I’m running to the big iMac in the study. . . .